It’s been a tough few years for movie theatres. First, they were completely out. Then they were kinda out? But also, it was like, you’re spaced out, wearing masks, being quiet…so they were back in. Then they were totally back…but everything was releasing on streaming at the same time so they were out again? In reality, though, no matter how big your TV is, no matter how loud your sound system is, no matter how…
I love summer…well, despite the oppressive heat and my aversion to it. But, besides that, I love summer. It’s just so magical, so full of possibilities. Those feelings are probably tied to childhood memories of summer vacations spent swimming, frolicking, and just generally getting into mischief…and if there’s one sporting event that really, truly, screams “summer” it’s an afternoon baseball game. A good old-fashioned day game encapsulates all the best parts of summer: not being in…
Since the dawn of the internet we, as a civilization, have had basically the entirety of human knowledge and creation at our fingertips. From the greatest works of literature to the most complex mathematical equations (explained as simply as possible for Dumb Brains like me). Almost every piece of recorded music in history can be listened to in a few seconds! It’s pretty freaking cool…and yet most of us end up watching/listening/reading the same comfortable…
Can you imagine if this essay was about what it’s like to be incredibly good looking? As the self-described “most generic looking white man possible,” I think it would be extremely funny to wax poetic on how difficult life is when you’re ‘really really really’ ridiculously good looking. But, that’s clearly not what I’m here to blather on about. I’m here to talk to you as someone who is constantly overheating, someone who is usually dappled…
As soon as someone pointed out I should write a post about doing taxes, my mind splintered into a thousand pieces and began imagining a thousand different essays about it. From the Jerry Seinfeld, “what’s the deal with taxes?” type, to the anarcho-capitalist word vomit about how the government is simply a coercive monopoly stealing the sweat off of the collective brows of workers…but then, of course, I settled back into my own little corner…
Humans love to say that they’re spontaneous, that they’re adventurous, that they’re impulsive (but in a fun “let’s not make dinner tonight, let’s go out” way, not an “I just put $60k on the Knicks to cover” way). But, guess what… that’s bullshit! Humans love predictability. Humans love discernable patterns. Humans love cause and effect that can be easily understood. All of this is why humans, now (and Will in particular) and throughout history (I…
On January 6, 2021, a violent mob of insurrectionists attacked the US capitol. It was a harrowing, disgusting few hours, but by that evening it was just that, a few hours. The mob was quelled, the capitol secured, and by the next week when it was time to write another essay, so much had been written about it that I decided to write about going on dumb little jogs for my dumb mental health. Since…
I’m an only child. That should be obvious. I’ve created a blog spanning a year-plus where all I do is write about things I think (classic “only child center of the universe” stuff right there). As a child, I didn’t have to share my toys or my parent’s attention…that part was pretty rad. I also spent a lot of time alone and when something would break or go missing, I had no siblings to blame…
Time is a funny thing. One day you’re running around your high school, drinking as many Dr. Peppers in one day as you can and eating Hot Cheetos for every meal with little to no consequences. The next day you’re standing in the cereal aisle at the grocery store trying to figure out which type of bran has the most fiber for the lowest price. Adults really weren’t joking when they said, life comes at…
My eyes flutter open. The room has an odd orange tint to it. I’m covered in a thin sheen of sweat and my body feels like it weighs a metric ton. My brain tries to put thoughts together, but it’s like watching a toddler trying to catch bubbles: futile, hilarious, and a bit sad. Every time I try to rouse my body into motion, fatigue smothers me like a weighted blanket. I know if I…
Never in my life have I been in super good shape. I’ve always been one of those guys who goes to the gym just often enough to keep the status quo. I’d usually run or ride the bike for a while, but I always half-assed it for one simple reason: cardio is the worst. It’s so boring. It takes so long. And I get so unbelievably sweaty (seriously, I look like the pilot from Airplane when I…
I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and it’s left me with a strange mix of emotions: existential dread, pining for the days when I was “young”, and a weird feeling of calm. It’s always been this number of frightening size, this self-imposed deadline constantly looming in the future, but like almost everything else in life that one dreads, it’s so much worse in your mind than it is in reality! It goes without…
Recently I had the absolute pleasure of taking a trip to Madison Wisconsin to visit my 98 (count it NINETY-EIGHT) year old grandmother, Ruthie. Because of the pandemic, everyone’s busy lives, and the fact that we live about 2,000 miles apart, this was the first time I’d seen my Grandma in person in three years. Obviously, it’s always special to get to spend time with a grandparent but getting to talk to Ruthie as she…
I have strange relationships with lots of things. We were born before the internet was widespread enough to have the all-consuming impact it had on Gen Z, but it certainly shaped us. Music went from tapes to CDs to mp3s to streaming at light speed (and at some point, vinyl came back?), never settling in on one format for too long during our lives. The same goes for phones and video games and government surveillance!…
I’m a pretty organized guy. I always know where my phone is. I never lose my keys. My glasses go from on my face, to a designated spot in the bathroom when I put on my contacts, back to my face, and then to their designated spot on my bedside table every day. I know it seems like a boring way to live, but I find a certain level of comfort in knowing exactly where…
Being an American is very strange. As I’m sure many of you know, it’s a nation filled with contradictions. From patriotism whenever the US Olympic athletes kick ass to shame when certain states refuse to vaccinate their population against a deadly pandemic that has killed millions of people (I’m not naming any names, I’m above that *cough**cough* Tennessee *cough**cough*). But, one of the contradictions that confuses me the most is the dichotomy between our “united…
Discussions about choice and freedom are as old as history itself. From modern philosophy and religion back to Calvinism, Aristotle, and Plato, all the big wigs have pondered these existential conundrums. Are we in charge of our own choices, do we have a say on the direction and course of our lives? Is there a God (or gods) that chart our paths? Are our fates predetermined so that we merely live our lives like trains…
By Will Peterman | July 4, 2021Hydration is obviously a large part of being a person. We’re like 60% water, which is crazy because I’m still not even 60% sure writing weekly essays is a good idea…anyways, I’m pretty damn good at drinking water. I carry a big ‘ole silver water bottle with me basically everywhere I go. I fill that guy up like three or four times per day. At this point, I get…
It’s been a while, but I think the time is finally right: strap in because after a run of normal essays, I’m ready to drop another weird one. We live in a world dominated by capitalism and consumerism. Every time you buy a new product, it’s the best one they’ve ever made. It makes all previous versions obsolete! Without this new product, you’re nothing and nobody! But sometimes, there are products that theoretically last forever,…
Being an adult kind of sucks. I’m hardly the first person to posit this thought but it’s still true. Even the things that, as a kid, I looked forward to aren’t nearly as cool as I’d hoped they’d be: Driving a car? Sure, have fun in traffic on the way to work. Booze? Yeah beer is great, hangovers and beer guts though, not so much. A steady paycheck? AHAHAHAHAH! I’ll let you know when I…
Having a “thing” is great. It’s probably one of my favorite parts of being a sentient being. But what is a “thing”? Well it’s kind of like a hobby, but it can be much broader, much vaguer than just a hobby. It’s something that you’re thinking about during the middle of a work day. Something you’re excited to do, or watch, or just think about more over the weekend! One of the beautiful things about…