Can you imagine if this essay was about what it’s like to be incredibly good looking? As the self-described “most generic looking white man possible,” I think it would be extremely funny to wax poetic on how difficult life is when you’re ‘really really really’ ridiculously good looking. But, that’s clearly not what I’m here to blather on about. I’m here to talk to you as someone who is constantly overheating, someone who is usually dappled with sweat, someone who is, 100% of the time, thinking, “could we maybe turn on the air or open a window?” I’m here to talk to you as someone who is always hot.
I’ve been this way since I was but a wee lad. Regardless of the temperature of the day, within minutes of stepping on the playground, I would be DRENCHED in sweat. You may be thinking “oh Will, you’re always exaggerating, it couldn’t have been that bad.” Well, let me tell you, it was worse than that! I was SO SWEATY that my parents took me to a DOCTOR because in their minds there was NO WAY a single small husky child could possibly be this moist, this often! But nah, I’m just a real sweaty guy.
Now as an adult, not much has changed! I can’t wear jeans if it’s over 75 degrees without instantly starting to sweat. I keep the air-conditioning in my car set to the lowest possible temperature. Whenever summer rolls around in my apartment, it’s a wrap. I become more puddle of sweat than man.
So, what’s a guy to do? I try to keep as hydrated as possible because lord knows I’m losing that water as soon as I drink it. I keep the windows open and the fans blowing whenever possible. I put a couple wet towels in the freezer and drop ‘em directly on my head when I need a little relief. And, of course, I do the most helpful thing of all…I complain (both in real life to whoever will listen and on the internet)!
The hardest part of this reality, for me (and for my significant other), is that, unfortunately, my girlfriend could not be further on the other end of the spectrum. She’s always cold. When she sits in my car she starts shivering. When I sit in hers, I start sweating. If she goes to bed in sweat pants, a sweatshirt, with all the blankets on…I’m most likely laying ere in shorts with the covers all pushed to her side, sweating like sinner in church.
To me, of course, the grass seems much greener on her side of the fence! I’d trade being hot for being cold in a heartbeat! From my sweaty side, it seems wonderful to be able to just throw on another layer and be comfortable, to be able to wear a suit without instantly perspiring a preposterous amount. But of course, that’s just how it seems from where I’m sweating. I’m sure from the cold side, it seems wonderful to not have to bring 6 different layered pieces of clothing whenever you go out!